Food & Drink

Now Your Ornaments and Christmas Crackers Will Get You Wasted

They’re Full of Holiday Spirit. Sorry.

By Hadley Tomicki ·
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They say you’re in trouble once you start secreting booze into hidden places around the house.

Then again, they say a lot of things.

And they probably will never know the pleasurable world in which whisky-filled Christmas ornaments exist.

They come from the Lakes Distillery, an awarded hooch-producer in a place called Cumbria in a place called Northwest England. In a wholly altogether, albeit related, news story, they would also like to bring you on as an investor

Anyway, the lads and lasses of Lakes are hand-filling all kinds of spherical ornaments with their booze. You’ll find whisky in the clear ones, blended from four different whiskies sourced from Scotland, England, Ireland and Wales.

In the red ones,  you’ll find their triple-distilled wheat vodka, while the blue contains gin made with local juniper. The ornaments are available individually and also in six-packs. Which already gives us visions of your insane holiday party where the tress shimmers with orb-embalmed booze.

The company also slips their spirits into Christmas crackers, advent calendars and more conspicuously, whisky cakes, all available to purchase on the site.

But really, the mere existence of such items should bring us all comfort, just knowing someone is out there tinkering with advanced technology to steer every last one of sanely through the holidays. It's like Santa is real.

Hadley Tomicki lives in Los Angeles. He is probably going nowhere on the 10 Freeway this very second.

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