But after every incarnation of housemade butter, local jam and smashed avocado toppings, where does toast go from here?
It’s an important question.
Well, it’s a question.
And we’ve got the answer.
Meet Toasteroid, a new device that sounds like a vintage arcade game but is actually a smart, app-controlled toaster that will imprint text and images onto bread because this is the world we live in. They’re currently raising funds on Kickstarter, it’s available for preorder now, and it will begin shipping next year.
The actual thing you’ll touch and see is a die-cast aluminum toaster. Pretty nice. But inside you’ve got microfilament heating technology. That’s the string of words to describe how this contraption can heat your bread evenly while applying specific heat patterns to form text and images on that bread. It’s perhaps the most unnecessary-yet-appreciated application of science we’ve seen all day.
Now, as for how to use this thing... You employ the corresponding app to choose from templates, draw your own pictures or type in whatever text you want to appear on your toast. They suggest helpful notes like “Pay bills” or printing out the weather forecast. Sure, you could do that. But we’ve got a few ideas for really maximizing toast as your medium. For example:
—“Butter goes here.”
—Or a reminder to buy Post-it notes.
—Or the lyrics to “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”
—You could surprise a breakfast mate with your signed headshot.
—Or “We knead to talk.”
(Don’t do that.)
—But do start writing your name on your sandwiches so there’s no confusion at the office.
—Turn a loaf of bread into a flip-book.
—Create an effigy of your favorite deity, call up your local news station and allow individual viewings for $10.
We’ll stop now.