Food & Drink

Finally, a Pizza ATM

Because Life’s Too Short to Not Own a Machine Loaded with 70 Pizzas

By Kevin Gray ·
Occasionally, life affords one the opportunity to speak life-changing words.

As luck would have it, that opportunity falls to us, right now.

And those words are “pizza ATM.”

Give that beautiful phrase a moment to sink in. Really mull it over. Consider the implications.

Okay, now we’ll field your questions.

You there, in the back...

Wait, what?
Pizza ATM. It’s a real thing that exists in real life.

You wouldn’t lie to us, would you?
We never, ever lie about pizza ATMs. It’s the guiding principle upon which this company was founded.

Whose hand do I enthusiastically shake for making this a reality?
That would be the collective hand of Paline, a French company that has graciously brought this device to our shores. 

How does it work?
Like a touch-screen vending machine. Except one that you’ll pre-load with up to 70 fresh, uncooked pizzas (so, yeah, you’ll have to do some work, or get a pizzaiolo to do it). Once called into action, its internal convection oven can issue a fully cooked 12-inch pie in just three minutes. It comes out in a box and everything.

How do I get one?
Right now, they are mostly focused on selling to pizzerias and universities. Xavier in Ohio got the first one, in case you want to enroll. But keep checking in as production ramps up. Because one day down the road, you could be installing your very own automated pizza machine into your home or office.

Is there any supporting literature?
Glad you asked. This Pizza ATM brochure seems like required reading if ever there was such a thing...

What else do I need to know?

It’s got remote communication capabilities, so you can check temperatures and track inventory from anywhere. It will even send you real-time text alerts.


Remember back when people just used ATMs for cash?
You mean yesterday?
Kevin Gray

Kevin Gray lives in Texas. He likes whiskey, weekends and hammocks, often at the same time.

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