Rarely a compliment.
And yet, wood remains the dominant flavor of toothpicks, which are designed to go right in your mouth.
But there is a better way. A way to replace the flavor of wood with that of your favorite scotch.
Here is that way.
1. Buy some toothpicks. Any old toothpicks. But new toothpicks. So not any old toothpicks. You get the idea.
2. Buy some scotch. Go peaty Islay if you like peaty Islay. Or spicy Northern Highlands if that’s your thing. Just don’t reach for the pricy, rare vintage, as some of the complexity will be lost here. And your scotch won’t be redeemable for further use after it’s been mingling with toothpicks.
3. Grab a small dish. Something deep enough to allow the toothpicks to be completely covered in booze. But not so deep that you’re wasting scotch. That would be unforgivable.
4. Cover said toothpicks in said scotch. Then use a smaller dish to weigh them down, keeping them submerged and out of the open air.
5. Hang out for 24 hours. Scotchy flavors will seep into the wood while the woody flavors seep into the scotch. Now we’re having fun.
6. Jumble your toothpicks up. After 24 hours, give them a turn. Make sure all the sticks are fully bathing in the whiskey.
7. Wait another 24 hours. You can use this time to seek out a vessel worthy of your soon-to-be-boozy toothpicks. Maybe a waterproof match case or anything else that’s not your pocket.
8. You’re almost done. Extract your toothpicks and spread them out on paper towels to dry, with another sheet loosely lying on top. Drying should take about four to six hours, or two to three movies.
9. Enjoy. You’ll find that the flavor gets stronger in the minutes after you place one in your mouth. And that your friends will be greatly impressed when you offer them one after dinner. And that someone will probably still ask for a glass of actual scotch.