The angel on your shoulder says, “You have New Year’s resolutions that you’re determined to keep. So keep them.” Then the us on your shoulder comes in and offers five very tempting alternatives to those resolutions. Then the angel’s like, “Okay, yeah, those actually sound pretty good.”
Your corner store has chocolate. But your corner store doesn’t have a variety of smoked chocolates that have been aged on vegetable-tanned leather from places like the Dominican or Madagascar. And if they do, it’s definitely not kept in a leather carrying case. And if it is, well... never mind.
“I just got a box of three to six varieties of absinthe from famous distilleries in Switzerland, France and other European countries. I also got a special absinthe spoon. Let’s use them.” —Your new favorite famous last words
Will this four-slice toaster that’s cast in 24K gold and polished to a mirror finish make your toast taste any better? Probably not. But that’s not the point. The point is that a 24K gold toaster exists. Actually, that’s not the point, either. We don’t know what the point is.
You want two things when you’re on vacation.
1) To have a really good time.
2) To show everyone you’re having a really good time.
So you’ll hire these professionals to document every aspect of your trip and manage it all on your social
media accounts. What a world.
You could either get 21 Jay Z–approved cigars kept in a mahogany humidor and made from Caribbean and Central American tobacco that was aged for six months in a cedar room, or... not get those and live with that mistake for the rest of your life.
