Greece. Cradle of Western civilization. Legendary fount of astronomy, philosophy, math...

Eh, let’s just talk about the beach.

Specifically, this beach: the eight miles of sand fronting Caramel Resort, a jaw-dropping new set of villas and suites on the coast of Crete, taking reservations now. (See the slideshow here.)

Here’s what you need to know.

1. We’ll say it again: eight miles of beach. So you can take an eight-mile run in the morning. Or better yet, watch someone else take an eight-mile run in the morning.

2. You’ll be near all kinds of centuries-old castles and walled towns. Yeah, probably want to take advantage of that.

3. There’s a local winery and a nearby organic farm that supplies the resort’s restaurant, so you should eat pretty well here. (Shocking, we know.)

4. Room service to your private patio. That’s a thing here.

5. “Today, I hit the cabana, had a cocktail served in a pineapple, then explored the giant pool.” Make sure you say that (and mean it) at least once.

6. There’s a piano bar with views of the ocean. It’s called “The Panther.”

We know. We can’t believe they stole your nickname either.