As they go, you realize you haven't spent as much time in the gym as you've spent watching 24 reruns and slothing in the Hamptons.
Simultaneously, you recognize that it's possibly time to skip happy hour and check the scale sitting in the corner of your bathroom. But who wants to be told (in so many numbers) that they're more cushioned than a love seat when weighing a solid "Hulk Hogan" has a much nicer ring to it?
With the cleverly obtuse Celebrity Scale, instead of weighing 200 pounds you can simply weigh "Chuck Norris." Weights start at "Baby Jesus" and reach the epic proportions of "King Kong." There are no numbers assigned, but you can assume that once you start inching away from "Karate Kid" and towards "Roseanne," things aren't going well. And if you have a hot date, set the scale to "Mr. Ed"...she'll be duly intrigued.
Note: there's a weigh-in at "Big Daddy"—we're not sure what that number is, but it sounds like the right place to be.