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How to Not Fail at Valentine’s Day Gifting

“What are you getting them for Valentine’s Day?” It’s a good question, you know. But a better question might be: “What are you receiving for whatever you’re getting them for Valentine’s Day?” Well, we’ve got your answers to both below. Let’s see Russell Stover do that.

The Most European Photo Album Ever
COMMITMENT LEVEL: 1

The Most European Photo Album Ever

The Giving: A coffee-table book of unpublished photos chronicling Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin’s 12-year love affair.
The Receiving: An intimate viewing of two famous beautiful European people being all beautiful and European. It’s like Barry White: The Book.

A Massage Candle. For Candle Massages.
COMMITMENT LEVEL: 2

A Massage Candle. For Candle Massages.

The Giving: A shea-butter massage candle created by a centuries-old Italian pharmacy that comes in its own porcelain pourer.
The Receiving: A nice, relaxing candle-wax massage. Its melting point is the same temperature as the human body, so it can’t burn your skin. You’re welcome, Jordan Belfort.

You’re Basically a Jewelry Designer Now
COMMITMENT LEVEL: 3

You’re Basically a Jewelry Designer Now

The Giving: A custom-designed charm necklace made from your choice of six chains of six lengths and about 80 different charms. Yes, they’ve got tiny wishbones.
The Receiving: You just customized a charm necklace. Simply state your demands, and they shall be so.

Wait, That’s Not a Necklace...
COMMITMENT LEVEL: 4

Wait, That’s Not a Necklace...

The Giving: Ten solid feet of naturally harvested pearls strung together to form what is either A) an impractically long neck accessory, or B) some very refined arm restraints. (Hint: it’s both.)
The Receiving: Guess that all depends on who’s wearing it...

Time for Some Very Spiked Chocolates
COMMITMENT LEVEL... PERKS

Time for Some Very Spiked Chocolates

The Giving: A box of Belgian chocolates, each blended with 1/8th of a shot of Veuve Clicquot champagne, Belvedere vodka, 18-year Glenlivet or... other great stuff.
The Receiving: A strong one-two punch from nature’s finest aphrodisiacs. Not to mention a healthy 30% kickback thanks to Perks.

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