Growing Knuckles
It’s only natural to be wary of certain advancements in weapons technology. Especially the kinds that are brass knuckles with living, breathing Icelandic moss growing out of them. Especially then.
The Rejection List
The Things We Left Behind in 2013
Before we release you to the gift-receiving glory of tomorrow, we consider it our annual duty to show you what <em>could</em> have been under your tree. Yes, these things exist. Yes, someone somewhere is very proud of them. And no, that’s not necessarily okay.
Mogo
Things that must have happened in order for this to exist:
—Man saw a bike resting on a kickstand.
—Man got jealous.
—Man decided humans should have their own version of a kickstand consisting of a nylon seat on a
stick.
—Man was exponentially wrong.
Underpants Sucker
Lollipops: inherently foolproof. So you would think. But all that changed the day someone made this underwear-shaped one. It looks like a pair of tighty-whities perched atop the world’s smallest flagpole. Oh, but it’s mint-flavored. Which changes nothing.
Vajamas
Drawstring pajama pants. Harmless-enough concept. You even have a few pairs. What you don’t have is a pair made from a synthetic fleece that registers as “vagisoft” on the designer’s Soft-O-Meter scale. And... we’re going to leave it at that.
Stand for iPad with Roll Holder
What someone does in the bathroom is their own business. Except if what they’re doing is using an iPad that’s snapped onto an adjustable chrome pedestal that doubles as a toilet paper holder. Then it’s just crazy business.
