Today’s topic is not going to make you more successful, better looking or smarter.

But it will chill your beer in record time.

So actually, you’ll probably look smarter than everyone else at the tailgate. That’s gotta be worth something.

Raise the nearest can or bottle to Spin Chill, a line of devices designed to get your beer cold quickly by sticking it in ice and rotating the hell out of it, available for preorder now on Kickstarter for delivery this month and next.

These come from a couple engineers out of the University of Florida, who figured out that spinning beer in ice speeds the cooling. (Ah, college.) And unlike filling your washing machine with ice and beer, these inventions won’t make your beer explode.

First up: drill bit attachments, designed to securely hold either a can or bottle while you plunge them into your ice. Fire up the drill and in 30 to 60 seconds, you’ve got a cold one. And surely you can find room for a drill as long as you’re bringing the military-issue flamethrower and the electric band saw to your next tailgate.

But if not, there’s always the Beerouette, their small, pocket-size gadget that does the spinning on its own, sans drill.

Now if you can only remember your opener...