Step away from the keyboard. Cough inconspicuously. Mutter something about pneumon—cough—oultramicroscopicsilicovolc—ahem—anoconiosis.
And now, ever so calmly, exit the building and make a beeline for the nearest ocean.
But before you go...
You’ll want to pay a visit to Almond Surfboards & Designs, a very new, very talented SoCal-based boardmaker and outfitter, as they’ve just opened their online surf shop and declared an early summer everywhere right now.
Now let’s be clear: this isn’t another capitalistic endeavor to exploit man’s innate urge to wear terry-fleece sweaters and paddle out to sea every day. It’s a way of life... that’s coincidentally very supportive of those urges. So much so that they’re making vintage-y surf tees and sand-friendly chinos for you to better uphold the virtues of surfdom.
But their real raison d’être: the boards. They’ve got 16 styles. All classically shaped by the 28-year-old hands of the carving prodigy who started this whole thing. All with traditional surf names like Sea Kitten and Cash-Yew. Exactly what you want under your legs while you shoot the hell out of a 30-foot barrel. (Or just on your wall while you tell tall tales of your surfing prowess.)
And since they’re only made-to-order, you’ll have final say over the colors, the rail thickness and whether or not you want a tail patch.
Whatever that is.