1. You’re not wearing an Adidas tracksuit.
2. You do want fresh donuts.
So there. You’ll have satisfied at least half the prerequisites for heading to Zeke’s DC Donutz, soft-open as of, well, right now.
This is basically like walking onto the set of Yo! MTV Raps and finding that Fab Five Freddy had one serious sweet tooth. There’s day-glo graffiti on every wall and a boom box over the counter pumping out Rob Base and the Sugarhill Gang.
Your donut maker: a former baker at Red Velvet who’s turning out rotating flavors that might include bacon and peanut butter, passion fruit or Mexican chocolate with ancho-chili glaze, alongside stalwarts like Boston cream and vanilla glazed. And lest you think that any donut needs to be dripping with sugar, they’re also planning some savory entries like spinach-and-feta stuffed.
In your glass: coffee, sure, but also infusions. No, not those kinds of infusions. Milk. Infused with classic cereals like Froot Loops, Cocoa Puffs and Corn Flakes.
Starting next week, give them 24-hours’ notice, and they’ll deliver anywhere in town where you need a massive quantity of donuts.
Otherwise known as your house every Sunday morning.