Considering the year that was 2008, we're recommending putting any latent aggression toward the sabering of your champagne bottle. Here to help you again is our step-by-step instruction guide...
1. DISROBE YOUR BUBBLY: Take your well-chilled bottle of champagne and remove the foil and the wire cage covering the cork. (As you probably know, it's essential the bottle be well-chilled to avoid leakage, foaming and premature cork-popping.)
2. LOCATE YOUR TARGET: Locate one of the two vertical seams running up the side of the bottle. Where the seam meets the lower lip of the bottleneck is the point at which you'll aim.
3. CONTROL YOUR SABER: Grip the bottle firmly around the base. Point the bottle at a 30-45 degree angle away from all people, windows and, obviously, Faberge eggs. Now take your saber (or the back edge of a chef's knife) and lay the blade flat, just below the lip at the weak spot.
4. MOMENT OF TRUTH: Draw the sword back along the seam and then swing with full force away from your body, upward and into the bottom of the lip. Don't forget to follow through (as with any sport, see the cork popping, be the saber). To minimize spillage, turn the bottle upright immediately afterward.
5. VICTORY: If done right, the cork and bottle top will thrust several feet into the air, and you will lose no more than an ounce of your champagne. And you will be a hero.
A champagne-pouring, knife-wielding hero...