You are a man. Men do not spend time on jeans. Men do not spend the kind of money on jeans that buys Knicks floor seats.
Then again, 60 years ago real men thought soap was girly.
For a substantial price, you can be ahead of your time at An Earnest Cut & Sew, a new store in the meatpacking district offering custom-made designer jeans.
Start by choosing a pair from their ready-to-wear collection (or pay $100 more for limited-edition denim and thread color choice). Customize tailoring and every detail from studs and buttons (e.g., skull-and-crossbones or 24K gold) to pockets (change the style, add zippers) to texture (add creases and distressing wherever).
Earnest does the work in-house, and you're charged per alteration so things get expensive fast—most range from $300-$500 with all-out jobs reaching $800. You get your jeans back in two weeks (fitting perfectly), with a lifetime warranty—bring them back later to replace those buttons and rivets after particularly unruly late night activities.
Expensive? Yes. Worth it? Maybe—just don't ask her if you look fat in them.