To get started, download Last Call, a free app that estimates your blood-alcohol in real time.
You'll input your gender, weight and—choosing from a variety of drink menus—your poison du moment. Every time you have another round, Last Call revises its projections of where your intoxication level is heading. (Of course, your first obstacle is tapping under the influence...)
Admittedly, this app is brimming with good intentions. The GPS-enabled function helps you find the nearest cab company with just three clicks. The nearest legal representation can be found even faster, but we're sure you won't let it come to that.
The other intriguing thing is, Last Call creates the possibility of the non-drinking drinking game. Keep it handy during Mad Men reruns to give you a better frame of reference for what those elbow-benders of 1962 were really feeling. Or, take your boss out for a few drinks. Do your part by keeping the drinks flowing, and Last Call will do its job by predicting the precise moment when to ask for that raise.
Not that you need help or anything...