The Winter Olympics: kind of like <em>Miracle</em>, <em>Cool Runnings, Blades of Glory</em> and <em>The Curler: Broom for Hire</em> all rolled into one. (Okay, we made that last one up.) Anyway, you’ll need to train. Herewith, our guide to Russian Olympic readiness.
Medal-winning Olympians breaking down your luge runs in slow-motion video. That’s what luge fantasy camp is all about. If you graduate, your prize will be a one-year membership to the US Luge Association. (Plus, the right to wear star-spangled spandex.)
Curling: more than just the Canadian life-size shuffleboard on ice. Americans play it, too. That’s part of the reason they’re building this state-of-the-art, 28,100-square-foot ice palace with six professional curling lanes in... Minnesota. We suspect the other part has something to do with one-upping Canada.
Only one place has molded raw young skaters into Olympians, while maintaining the very same sea-level conditions as Russia. That place: Milwaukee. You can fine-tune your slap shot here, or just hire a private ice dancing coach to tighten your synchronized skating routine. Both are all over the place.
Unless you’re a member of an elite Norwegian bear-tracking unit, the best way to mix snow skiing with sharpshooting is to learn the sport of winter biathlon. Please note: Sochi is adding a bi-gender biathlon, so get comfortable with sharing your gun.
Rocketing through an ice tube at 70 mph, you want to be in the company of sober professionals. Hence, bobsled training in Utah, where you’ll use the same track from the 2002 Winter Olympics, with a former Olympian at the wheel (or whatever’s steering that open-air missile of yours).
