Laws and lift lines: the only things impeding your triumphant return to the slopes... that is, unless they’re your slopes. Up for auction: Echo Mountain, a fully operational commercial ski area built on private land perched high in the Rockies. (Imagine: nude midnight skiing, ramps on ramps, subterranean hot-tubbing in secret tunnels.) Before your opening bid, then, the facts:

Total acres: 226
Miles from Denver: 35
Original purchase price: $700,000
Cost of expansion since purchase: $8 million
Highest elevation: 11,000 feet
Number of complimentary helipads: 1
Number of trails: 16
Percentage of them lit for night skiing: 50
Percentage of them wired with on-mountain speakers: 50
Average annual snowfall: 220 inches
Record single-day snowfall (in feet) last season: 5
Feet of biggest vertical drop: 660
Potential feet of biggest drop with continued expansion: 1,500+
Number of acres you can still develop: 150
Number of tubing parks you’ll leave as tubing parks: 1
Number of buildings with après hot-tub-den potential: 2
Number of trees visible from hillside amphitheater: thousands
Number of bids you’ll make to the 2022 Winter Olympic hosting committee: as many as it takes
Price you’ll charge for lift tickets: depends on how much privacy you’re looking for...