If he’d have waited until today, nobody would have cared.
Because today, we’re getting a new meatball spot in South Beach.
Presenting everything you need to know about The Meatball Joint, a spherical sub shop that’s rolling balls, pouring pints and ladling marinara sauce starting right... now.
Hours of operation: noon to midnight
Ideal meatball-eating time: noon to midnight
Number of L-shaped aluminum bars: 1
Number of tables in the dining room: 12
Number of tables that look out the Alton-facing floor-to-ceiling windows: 6
Scandinavian tourists you’ll see riding scooters on Alton at any given time: 42 per hour
Flat-screen TVs in the dining room: 2
Percentage that’ll show Dolphin games during the season: 100
Odds that watching the Dolphins this year will be more enjoyable than eating turkey meatballs with waffle-cut sweet-potato fries: 45-to-1
Types of bottled beers on the menu: 19
Types of meatballs on the menu: 3
Types of sauces on the menu: 3
Number of sauces that prominently feature beer-marinated mushrooms: 1
Amount of balls that come in the baguette sandwich: 4
Number of napkins required to eat a baguette sandwich: 45
Varieties of cookies you can choose from to make an ice cream sandwich: 3
Total number of possible ice cream sandwich combinations: 6
Number of those combinations that involve a meatball: 0