Gear

Haus Rules

Your Oktoberfest Survival Kit

Oktoberfest: you don’t know what it’s for. You don’t care. All you know is, there’s beer. Lots of beer. And schnitzel... good God, the schnitzel. And it starts in September for some reason. To make the most of it, you’ll need a few essentials. Behold: the Oktoberfest survival kit. <em>Prost.</em>

WHAT ALES YA

The Official Oktoberfest App

How It Works: One possibility: you’re in Munich. You’ve got this app—with English-language maps, photos of revelers in their accordion-dancing glory and... a BAC calculator. Another possibility: you’re not in Munich. You’ve got photos of revelers in their accordion-dancing glory.
When You’ll Use It: Oktoberfest, naturally.
Oktober-ness: 5.3 umlauts

DAS BOOT

Design Your Own Drinking Boot

How It Works: You’ll choose a size (three liters sounds about right) and an appropriate engraving (something along the lines of “Achtung, Baby”). You should probably get some beer, too.
When You’ll Use It: Long lines at tap. Accordion-based revelry. When steins are not manly enough.
Oktober-ness: 7 umlauts

BEST OF THE WURST

Karl Ehmer German Butchery

How It Works: You go online, stock up on sausages, wursts and krauts, and assemble a feast worthy of a kaiser (one of the good ones) from a butcher shop that’s been chopping and grinding since 1932.
When You’ll Use It: Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner.
Oktober-ness: 7.5 umlauts

HOSER

Finally, Lederhosen That Fits

How It Works: You’ve been hurt by lederhosen before. Sure, they’ve got the right elaborate embroidery, but they could use some space in the waist (you’ve got to move when yodeling). These come in every size imaginable, including made-to-measure. Also: in denim.
When You’ll Use It: Vacations in the Alps. Contests. Lost a bet.
Oktober-ness: 9 umlauts

TURN IT HOFF

Booking the Hoff for Your Party

How It Works: This service does what no amount of Knight Rider reruns can: connects you with the man, the myth, the German pop sensation himself, who shows up at your Oktoberfest party. Walks around. Drinks. Is David Hasselhoff.
When You’ll Use It: Always. Forever.
Oktober-ness: 10 umlauts