We’re not going to name names. You know who they are. Six months ago, they were the ones crying about the cold. Today, it’s too hot. It’s too muggy. They can’t work. They want to go home early.
It’s all a bunch of time-wasting nonsense. Frankly, you’re the one who needs to leave early. (Friday meeting, off-site. Important stuff.)
So we’d like to introduce the USB Warmer and Cooler Keyboard, a productivity tool that will forever neutralize temperature-related goldbricking, available now.
First and foremost: it’s a keyboard. You’re familiar with those. But three strategically positioned fans blow soft breezes to the user’s wrist, which of course is the scientifically optimal place to receive a soft cooling breeze. (Key West is a very close second.)
The bonus: come winter, no one will waste valuable seconds blowing on their frosty fingers or cupping their hands around coffee mugs like a Dickensian street peddler. They’ll just get to work, and small heating pads built into the keyboard will get their digits defrosted posthaste.
You’ll be monitoring them from your place in Key West.