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Rump Roast

Working Out with Heated Shorts

UD - Sweat PantsWe hope we’re not crossing any boundaries here.

But we noticed... you packed on a couple extra pounds this winter. (Thanks, chocolate bacon paninis.)

Happens to the best of us. Best thing you can do now is sweat off the weight.

And for that, we’re recommending you apply 167 degrees of heat directly to your butt...

Introducing Sweat Pants, a revolutionary pair of shorts that’s basically like wearing a heating pad around your waist, now available online.

To fully understand this concept, start by envisioning a typical high-end sauna. Now, remove the porous cedar walls (and, sadly, the Ukrainian towel girl). Keep the searing temperatures and the increased circulation provided by the heat, then wrap the whole thing around your nether regions in a one-size-fits-all, poly-acrylic set of shorts. Make it bright orange. Boom: you’re done.

You’ll want to wear these when you’re working out. Or when you’re watching the Final Four/other people working out. When you want to increase the intensity of your sweat fest, put your fingers on the thermostat attached to the waist and increase the heat from 97 degrees up to 167 degrees.

And don’t worry about getting burned: you’ll have these on over your regular shorts or warm-up pants, and an automatic timer will turn them off after 50 minutes.

Go ahead, fall asleep in your sauna shorts.

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