Imagine the sounds: Birds chirping. A breeze blowing. A cart girl approaching with an ice-cold beer in the distance.
And, of course, the gentle stir of a weed whacker as you clear the rough for your ball.
Introducing The Weed Whacking Golf Driver, a new secret weapon for your golf bag that exists solely to improve your lie, available now.
Now, we know what you’re thinking: why would I go to all this trouble, when I could just quietly, subtly pull a Judge Smails and clear my throat and kick my ball out of the rough? To which we say: now’s not the time for questions. Instead, look at this thing—from the outside, you see an ordinary, oversize golf driver, suspicious to no one. But when you press a tiny button on the club head, the plastic bottom opens up to reveal your blade of glory: a tiny, single-string trimmer.
So the next time you’re in the rough—we know: hypothetically—you’ll want to casually pull this out of your bag, press the button, start up the blade and lean over where your ball has landed. (The chirping birds will disguise the whirring.) Then, carefully, subtly clear the grass around your ball. Take a look into the distance, shake your head with disgust, look at the “club” as if you’d been crazy for even considering it, then put it back into your bag and retrieve the club you plan to use. And then... hole that 130-yard approach on the fly for eagle.
Not recommended for when your ball’s in a lake.