Your friends know you as “the wilderness tamer.” You make Brad Pitt’s character in Legends of the Fall seem timid. You sometimes pick fights with badgers for fun.
And yet... you’re still using the same tent as some schlub at a three-day Phish concert. It’s time to customize...
Presenting the Beckel Canvas Tent, a tough-as-nails tent that can be made to your exact specifications, now available online.
So when you’re ready to drop the everyman Coleman act and step up to something not that far off from what you might have glimpsed in Band of Brothers, here’s what you do: call up Beckel, a 40-year-old family outfit out of Portland, Oregon, and tell them what you want in a water-repellent canvas tent.
If you want windows, they’ll give you windows. If you want 9′ x 12′, they’ll give you 9′ x 12′. If you want a stovepipe hole, they’ll give you a stovepipe hole. (Where else is the smoke from your cooked bear meat going to escape?)
And if you’re envisioning a masterpiece on the scale of Homer’s car of the future on that one Simpsons episode, you might look into the Eena Wall Tent, a super-deluxe tentpalace that can have a porch built on it and is designed for several people to live in for weeks and months at a time.
Alert your landlord you’ll be leaving...