Be Alarmed

An Alarm with Accountability

You’ve done it again. Out late, breaking bread and popping corks with your hand-selected dinner crew—Ryan Zimmerman, some curvy friends from the Spanish Embassy and, of course, Chief Justice Roberts.

Trouble is, you’ve got an appointment in the morning. And your alarm clock isn’t very persuasive.

What you need is a technological aid. And maybe some reliable friends...

So allow us to tell you about WakeupQ, a revolutionary new service that will absolutely, positively get you out of bed, no matter how much it (or one of your friends) has to annoy you.

This is a totally personalized, automated wake-up valet. Here’s how it works: once you set up your account and fork over a nominal monthly fee, you’ll tell it exactly what time you need to wake up each day of the upcoming week and what you need to accomplish when you do.

At your appointed time (10:30am should work, let’s not get crazy), you’ll get a call, and then another, and maybe another—each time hearing the exact instructions you typed in. 1) Get out of bed. 2) Mix Bloody Mary. 3) Get in shower. 4) Take off last night’s pants and return to shower.

Each time, you’ll have to hit a certain key to make it stop. Otherwise, some of your friends will get a text with the disappointing news, telling them to call and harass you.

Justice Roberts can be very persuasive in the morning.

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