Ladies and gentlemen.

Step right up.

See Madame Siam Sideshow Emporium, a freaky underground pageant of cocktails, games and political relief from the Houston Brothers, opening tonight in Hollywood for Moschino's after-party. 

Having drinks and meeting friends here will almost seem secondary to the fact that you're doing those things beneath the earth in a former speakeasy space once haunted by Rudolph Valentino and his cronies that now resembles a carnival midway crossed with the Gremlin's junk shop. Slideshow time.

You'll also see...

—Performers twisting and contorting and playing music and generally being amazing.

—Corn dogs slung from a chuck wagon. Everyone loves corn dogs. No. We said everyone.

—A President-shaped game that involves knocking cans out of its mouth.

—A lot of vintage hand-lettering. It's really nice.

—A diminutive, invite-only bar-within-the-bar hidden behind the tarot card reader.

—A game where you throw Whiffle balls at Kim Jong Un's head and extremities.

So much for diplomacy.