How to Pack the Perfect Bowl

Just Because It's Easy, Doesn't Mean You Can't Do It Wrong.

By Sam Eichner ·
Photo: TreyMo/Getty Images

Packing a bowl of weed is breathtakingly simple. I mean, think about it: if it wasn’t, really stoned dudes wouldn’t be able to do it with such proficiency. And then stoned dudes like me wouldn’t be able to write this article about how to pack a bowl of weed. And then nobody would be able to pack perfect bowls. And then there’d be no stoned dudes. [Thinks about this for a minute.] That would suck.

Anyway, as I was saying [stuffs sour cream and cheddar Baked Lays into mouth], packing a bowl of weed is really easy. But just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean you can do it wrong. Like, arithmetic is easy, too. But that doesn’t mean I know what a fucking integer is. Like, seriously, what is that shit.

Ok so I’ll just get into this now before I watch the next episode of Ren & Stimpy, have you ever seen it, you got to see it, it’s hilarious, dude.

1. Grind your weed.
Use your fingers if you must. But really bro, you should invest in a grinder. You just pack a big nug or two in there and grind it, and then your weed’s all ground up. It’s pretty sweet.

2. Look at your pile of weed for a minute and think about how high you’re going to get.
Ha. Woah. Tight.

3. Pack the bowl, not too tight, not too loose.
Maybe throw a little bit bigger nug at the bottom so you don’t inhale actual bits of pot. Then pack it ‘til just under the brim. Key here is to pack not press. Pack not press. Pack not press. Pack not press. Paaaack nooooottttt preeesssss. Ha. My lips feel all buzzy and stuff.

4. Got some keef at the bottom of your grinder? Sprinkle some of that shit on top and you’ll get extra high.
One time I sprinkled some keef on top and listened to The String Cheese Incident on repeat for the better part of four hours. You guys ever hear of String Cheese Incident? They’re sick. Totally better when you’re stoned, too.

5. Corner that shit!!!
Yo don’t just, like, light the center of the bowl, you want to be able to pass this shit to your friends, it’s just courtesy, okay? And make sure to control the amount of smoke you’re inhaling with the carb.

6. Make some cereal.
Have you ever mixed different cereals together in one bowl? Revelatory stuff. My favorite combo’s Reese’s and Honey Nut Cheerios.

7. Wanna get together to watch Ratatouille later?
My mom’s baking cookies.

Sam Eichner

Sam Eichner likes literature, reality television and his twin cats equally. He has consistently been told he needs a shave since he started growing facial hair.

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