The sea is a cruel mistress.

And she may never be tamed.

But hey, at least you can find out exactly what she’s up to now.

Which...

Anyway, make for the nearest coastline and punch up SeaStatus, a new app that breaks down coastal conditions into just about every statistic you can think of, available now for iPhone.

If you’ve ever stood on the shoreline, gazed upon the ocean and thought, “I want to know everything that’s going on in there right now so I can go sailing or whatever,” then this is for you.

Open the app and you’ll get a map fixed to your location. Nearby coastal areas (harbors, beaches, coves that may or may not possess pirate treasure) will appear as yellow dots. Select the desired dot and hit “Get Status.”

The first screen gives you non-water-related data, like a real-time speedometer tracking wind speed, and the exact minute of sunrise and sunset. Then scroll to the second screen for more information on the drink itself—the precise time of low or high tide, an animation illustrating the tide’s current height, and the water temperature.

Twenty bucks says it’s still cold.