Antisocial Network

This Is How You Avoid People

None On the count of three, we’re going to make you disappear.

One... Two... Three...


Wait, you’re still here.


Oh, right, you need to download the app first.

Open Cloak, a new iPhone app that tracks the whereabouts of people you know for the express purpose of allowing you to avoid them, available now.

Imagine someone you wouldn’t mind dodging for a bit. Say, the guy collecting money for your office March Madness pool. Well, for some reason, it’s not socially acceptable to file frivolous restraining orders against individuals like him. But thanks to this app, it is technologically possible to know where they are at all times. Which is helpful for knowing where you don’t want to be at all times.

You’ll proceed thusly: make some fake Foursquare and Instagram accounts. Use them to follow anyone you’d rather not encounter in... well, life. Then connect those accounts with this app, and it’ll show you a map of where those people last checked in. You can even flag certain users so that you’re alerted anytime they’re within, say, 500 yards.

Nope. Nothing abnormal about that.

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