Hype. You’ll humor it. Smile at it. Friend it on Facebook. You just won’t believe it. Instead, there’s this. It’s an inspection sheet of sorts. A road test. A canary in the coal mine of New York nightlife. We call it Due Diligence. It’s dangerous work, but your nights are too important to leave to chance.

The Place: Up&Down, a new bi-level Chelsea party spot. It’s the successor to—and from the folks behind—the Darby.

The Hype: It’s the new Soho House.
The Reality: Sure. Early in the evening, around 7, when the cognac-bourbon-rum cocktails (known as BBRR here) are flowing and the pool table is still out, you can see it. Once the pool table’s removed to make dance-floor space, though, you’re looking at something at least 20% rowdier.

The Hype: Somewhere behind the walls of Down, there’s a secret karaoke room.
The Reality: Soon enough, friends. Soon enough.

The Hype: The back stairwell’s the place to be.
The Reality: Indeed. The stalactites of LED light on the back staircase that leads from Up to Down change colors based on body heat. And right around 3am, this area basically becomes a third club space.

How stairwell clubs haven’t existed before, we’ll never know.