Instant Coffee

A Café That Doesn’t Actually Exist

None So a screenwriter walks into a café...

Only he doesn’t actually walk anywhere, the café isn’t real, and he’s not wearing pants. Because, you know, writers.

Anyway, here’s a website that plays café sounds.

Pour out a hot cup of Coffitivity, a new site that pipes the soothing sounds of a café into your headphones so you can focus on attaining Best Original Screenplay glory wherever you are, online now.

Okay, the Oscars this year were a little rough. Mostly because you were cruelly snubbed. Mostly because the script didn’t get shot. Or written. You just need to find a café where there’s always a good seat, and the coffee isn’t $9, and you’re not distracted by 45 other writers talking loudly about their scripts.

So stay home. Go into a dressing room at Barneys. Wherever. Doesn’t matter. Just put on your headphones, go to this website and tune out the world—you’ll hear only the good parts of the café vibe. (Ah, the sweet melody of an espresso being pulled.) Before you know it, your script will be done and you’ll be onstage profusely thanking yourself like Tarantino.

Call it an homage.

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