49ers by four.
Beyoncé lip-syncs at halftime.
And you don’t go here.
You know, because it opens Monday.
Might we suggest Doré South Beach, a glittery bastion of stiff martinis, choice steaks and shared oyster experiences, opening this Monday at the Ritz-Carlton South Beach.
We can think of two kinds of people who might appreciate this place. Those who consider splitting things like scallops in a dining room adorned with rose-petal ceilings, gold walls and champagne banquettes to be a type of foreplay. And those who consider things like scallops tasty.
Goes without saying, but you’ll want to come here for a late-evening dinner. Do the reservation thing. Situate yourself under one of the ornate chandeliers (or in the private dining room if you must). Then, you’ll get a plate of oysters on ice. Followed by a six-hour-braised lamb shank (that’s some textbook date-night ordering right there).
And to wash it all down: tap water. Nah, we’re kidding—a round of Mi Peruvians (that’s a pear-infused pisco cocktail covered in egg foam) should do the trick.
Just watch out for the egg-foam mustache.