Bionic arms sure would be helpful.
And really, cyborg laser vision should probably be a thing by now.
Hell, we’d appreciate just seeing our cable box work consistently.
At least we hold all the secrets to hacking your own brain for better productivity.
Welcome to a brave new future with UrbanDaddy’s Guide to Hacking Your Brain. It’s a dark dystopic tale about merging technology with biology to take over the world.
Actually, not quite that.
It’s more of an exploration we’re undertaking with Monster Energy into all the ways you can get an edge on life by tapping both cutting-edge and tried-and-true technology to make your everyday activities easier, while also maximizing your efforts. Along the way, we’ll introduce you to the planet’s first “digital drug,” take a moment for deep reflection, and coffee like we’ve never coffee’d before.
Come with us if you want to live.
Hapbee: This wearable necklace has been likened to the world’s first “digital drugs” with its claims to copy the energy of specific compounds and broadcast corresponding, super low radio frequencies back to you, recreating the sensations you might feel with a cup of coffee, melatonin, CBD drink, joint, and other ingestibles that alter your mind state and energy. But can it unblow your mind after we just told you about it? Only time will tell.
Narbis: If we’ve learned anything, it’s that you can’t be productive when you lose focus. These smart glasses refuse to let your attention wander, using neurofeedback and dry electrodes on your scalp to determine when your concentration is slipping. At which point, the lenses begin to fog up, forcing you to get your head back into the game while strengthening your overall ability to focus along the way. Of course, that’s only if we’ve learned anything.
Java Monster: Even coffee has been upgraded for the new millennium. Java Monster comes in 10 radical flavors that even your neighbors’ soy oat latte can't compete with. What’s more, Java Monster's distinctive energy blend— crafted with safe nutrients like caffeine, taurine, B vitamins, L-Carnitine, and inositol— delivers sustained focus along with its well-deserved reputation for boosting you through the trials of your day with motivation and zeal.
OmniPEMF: It’s a comfortable wearable headband that uses electromagnetic waves to help you be more relaxed, focused, and energized. It also claims to have the ability to treat pain and sustain deep sleep. Just please, don’t ask us how to pronounce its name.
Focus Keeper: Need to stay focused and powered to make it through an assignment or creative project? There’s an app for this. Focus Keeper is a customizable time management tool for your phone that tracks your productivity, directs your focus towards your work, and strengthens productivity and concentration over time. For once, your phone is the solution to distraction, rather than the cause.
Get a robot to do it: Before they get the intelligence to overtake us, make a robot do all your dirty work. While we’re yet to meet one that can fill out reports, write the great American novel, or stop staring at The Roomba without bad intentions, there are mechanical assistants that can do all the heavy labor while you save your productivity for important tasks. For cleaning windows, you have HoBot; for mopping and vacuuming, you have iRobot; there’s Toibot for scrubbing the toilet; GammaChef to cook for you; GrillBot to clean up when you’re through, and Jibo to replace you’re the witty banter of your friends.
Go old school: Detach yourself from social media and meditate, focusing on nothing but the awareness of your breath. Laugh your head off over a favorite TikTok clip. Crank some quiet Beethoven or whispery Billie Eilish and close your eyes for five minutes. Pull out pen and paper and doodle something from your imagination. These kinds of lo-fi activities of yore have the ability to put us in the moment, heighten our concentration, and refresh us for any daily challenges to come.
Apparently, there are still things our phones can’t do.