The Place: Pao by Paul Qui. It’s a new date-night contender that’s a bit Filipino, a touch Japanese and a whisper French. It’s open now at the Faena Hotel Miami Beach, and we’ve done the not-so-dirty work of properly surveying the land for you.

Here now: our findings...

The Hype: There’s a big-time chef behind it.
The Reality: Yep. That’d be Paul Qui. He’s won a James Beard Award and cut his teeth at a few spots in Austin before he got to us. Try not to hold that against him.

The Hype: You’ll be eating unicorn.
The Reality: Sort of. There’s a dish called the Unicorn made up of sea urchin and sake aioli. But you’ll also find binchotan-grilled seafood, peanut gazpacho and a two-pound roasted Kurobuta pork butt.

The Hype: A unicorn will be among your dining companions.
The Reality: Yep. It’s a bronze sculpture from Damien Hirst that’s propped up on some live moss in the middle of everything.

The Hype: You can drink stuff like whiskey and absinthe mixed with five-spice.
The Reality: Indeed.

The Hype: The patio bar overlooking the ocean is the place to be.
The Reality: Soon enough, friends. Soon enough.

In the meantime, we hear indoor bars are great at consoling.