Time was, if someone called you Caviar Pants, they’d have been in trouble.

They’d also have been really bad at insults.

But you—you’ve grown.

You’ve mastered your emotions.

Plus, these swim trunks you’re about to get have a caviar print, so...

Locate a body of water for Glass, a bit of funkdafied, swim-ready nattiness made right in New York City, available online now.

Yep, there’s a pair of swim trunks here that are an impeccably tailored close-up print of beluga caviar. There’s also ones with hieroglyphs, a universe of galaxies and a classic paisley. And they’re all from a fellow by the name of John Glass (they call him Mr. Glass) who spent some time at Tom Ford and hung around Savile Row folks long enough to catch the tailoring bug. Now he’s in Greenpoint, making the world of trunkage a better place. Which brings you up to speed.

These are the kind of swim trunks that could inspire new Dick Dale riffs. Quick-dry, mid-thigh masterpieces that manage to look like both a patch of green grass and like something Paul Newman could’ve pulled off on Peloponnesian vacations between films.

You’ll of course employ them as Hamptons conversation pieces and as a uniform for the can-opener championships.

Because you’ve achieved all there is to achieve in the cannonball world.