So there’s this island.

It’s off the coast of Maine.

And it’s all yours.

Fine. We’ll go on...

Come sail away to The Inn at Cuckolds Lighthouse, an inn with the word “cuckold” in the name. Oh, also: you can rent the whole damn thing if you want, and it’s taking reservations now.

Considering you can’t just “pick up a few things” once you’re on an island, we’ve taken the liberty of putting together your packing list:

—A little something for Don and Barb: They’re the volunteer lighthouse keepers cum boat captains cum personal chefs in charge here. And they’re the only other people on the island. They’re important.

—One of those Gorton’s Fisherman raincoats: You’ll travel to and from the island by boat, so you’ll need some defense against rogue waves. Or, like, mist.

—Silk pajamas: All the better for jumping around in huge beds with Egyptian-cotton sheets in the East or West Suite. Aka the only two rooms in the place.

—A copy of The Old Man and the Sea: Or something else to read while Don and Barb bake fresh muffins and such for your breakfasts.

—A lobster bib: For cracking open crustaceans at the nearby lobster spot on the mainland.

—A toothbrush: Because, you know... a toothbrush.