Gear

Putt Job

What You’ll Need to Master Tiny Golf

Well, the Masters is over. Good times. Nice job, Spieth. Thus concludes our golf-related segue into this thing about how to properly equip yourself for... miniature golf. Yeah, it’s a mini-golf toolkit. That’s what it is.

THE PENCILS

Some Dead-Serious Pencils, Is All

What: Pretty much anything from... well, this f**king pencil boutique. Like a General’s Test Scoring Pencil or a mini cedar pencil with an accompanying brass holder.
Why: You need to keep score. And maybe take yourself a little too seriously while you’re at it.

THE SKELETON PIRATE

Decommissioned Course Obstacles = Yay

What: A five-foot-tall, retired skeleton pirate course obstacle. Also available: a gently used T. rex statue perched atop a rocky tunnel.
Why: See above.

THE BALL HOLDER

Like a Pocket Protector for Mini-Golf

What: Quick-draw ball holders that you can clip onto your crisp white pants.
Why: Select web reviews: “Very efficient.” “Good, sturdy product.” “Love this golf ball holder.” “It stays put and everyone asks me where I got it.” Everyone asks where they got it.

THE PUTTER

Putters of Presidential Quality

What: Custom putters handmade by a family that’s been at it since the ’60s. Presidents have taken a real liking to these things. Among them: Eisenhower, Ford and Reagan.
Why: Your putt-putt game is strong. It could be stronger.

THE TINY, WEIRD GOLF GAME

This Stupid Game Is Actually Not Stupid

What: A game in which you use a tiny golfer on the end of your putter to hit tiny balls into tiny holes with his tiny putter. All on tiny felt pads. Precious.
Why: There aren’t enough Inception references in small golf.