Not That You Need This, But...
Save Your Relationship for Just $1

It's not that you don't care.

It's just that sometimes, you get busy. (Mad Men isn't going to watch itself.) So sometimes, you forget to call. Or text message. Or email. Or write the epic poem about flowers and her hair she so deserves.

If only there were someone to do it all for you. Or better yet, something…

That something: Girlfriend Keeper, a first-of-its-kind iPhone app designed to save you from absent-mindedly destroying your relationship, available now.

Think of it as the romantic side you never had time to develop, but you always knew was there. First, you'll adjust a couple on-screen meters for "relationship level" (from "strangers" to "married") and "contact frequency" (from a casual once-per-month to a stalkerish every-other-hour). Then you'll feed it the basics about her (email address, phone number, birthday) along with some not-so-basics like eye color and your anniversary. (Note: if you're using this, you might want to double-check and confirm both of those.)

And then—and this is the beauty part—you do nothing. Yes, absolutely nothing as it begins dropping your beloved regular personalized email messages ("Scarlett, I will love you until my heart stops beating") and text messages ("Your birthday is in 54 days, perhaps I will get you something blue to match your eyes"), all signed with your name. (We've sent them a firm note requesting they add a "physical massage" function.) And as the app gets updated, you can add new stats like hair color (blonde), favorite food (pizza) and even pet name (Rosebud). They're also working on letting you register multiple relationships, because sometimes life gets…complicated.

Just be warned: they're also making something evil called Boyfriend Keeper.

The bastards.