You: “It’s a shame that this mint is shaped like mint. And this Tabasco, a liquid. And this saffron, a soft powder.”

Us: “Is it?”

You: “My artistic culinary options feel restrained.”

Us: “Okay, hang on a second.”

That’s when we’d hand you a Spherificator, a strange yet wondrous new machine that will take anything edible and transform it into small, glossy pearls. It’s now available for preorder.

Okay, so you’ll choose something that you’d prefer consuming in spherical form, because why not. Spheres. Blend that thing, if necessary—and let it sit for a while. Then just shoot it through the device and into a magic bowl that’ll morph it all into tiny, shiny beads. That, yeah, look sort of a lot like caviar.

And just like that, you’ve got:

Soda pearls.
For adding to a fine whiskey beverage.

Mint pearls.
For adding to a fine rum beverage.

Hot sauce pearls.
For adding to a Bloody.

Olive-dill pearls.
For adding to a vodka martini.

Maybe even something you’d put on a plate.