Here’s where we distill our expert Internet-consuming abilities into a concise list of 10 daily bons
mots for you to casually deploy into any conversation you feel could use some timely pop-culture insight.
It’s a service we call: The Cooler.
1. “Rudy Giuliani is not the first old white dude to freak out over a Beyoncé performance. Old white dudes have been outraged over Beyoncé for years now.”
2. “Every time you listen to a song on Spotify, a songwriter loses its wings. Or something like that.”
3. “If you want to spend the night with American Pharoah, it’ll set you back a good $200,000. That came off wrong.”
4. “Stephen King, James Franco and J. J. Abrams walk into Hulu. They all decide to create a miniseries. There’s no punch line.”
5. “It’s like Baywatch, except sci-fi. And not even remotely about lifeguards. Or David Hasselhoff. Right, so basically the only thing they have in common is Pam Anderson.”
6. “Turns out, people can get poodle cuts, too. The things you learn about hair.”
7. “I just know that as soon as I see Hail, Caesar! I’m going to want to go back and rank every single Coen brothers movie.”
8. “Ben Stiller made an unaired Super Bowl commercial for female Viagra. Oh, wait, that wasn’t real?”
9. “There’s a right way to name fictional characters and a wrong way. And a bunch of other ways, too.”
10. “Always knock first, Matthew. We don’t want an awkward pie-fucking situation on our hands.”
1. “Rudy Giuliani is not the first old white dude to freak out over a Beyoncé performance. Old white dudes have been outraged over Beyoncé for years now.”
2. “Every time you listen to a song on Spotify, a songwriter loses its wings. Or something like that.”
3. “If you want to spend the night with American Pharoah, it’ll set you back a good $200,000. That came off wrong.”
4. “Stephen King, James Franco and J. J. Abrams walk into Hulu. They all decide to create a miniseries. There’s no punch line.”
5. “It’s like Baywatch, except sci-fi. And not even remotely about lifeguards. Or David Hasselhoff. Right, so basically the only thing they have in common is Pam Anderson.”
6. “Turns out, people can get poodle cuts, too. The things you learn about hair.”
7. “I just know that as soon as I see Hail, Caesar! I’m going to want to go back and rank every single Coen brothers movie.”
8. “Ben Stiller made an unaired Super Bowl commercial for female Viagra. Oh, wait, that wasn’t real?”
9. “There’s a right way to name fictional characters and a wrong way. And a bunch of other ways, too.”
10. “Always knock first, Matthew. We don’t want an awkward pie-fucking situation on our hands.”
