The Age of Innocence
Keeping Tabs on Your Friends’ Breakups

You like to be the first to know.

In particular, when a certain casual acquaintance/Ukrainian ballerina returns to the single life, you need this information on your desk the second it hits the wire.

And since CNN doesn’t consider it newsworthy, you’re going to have to get creative.

Allow us to introduce Breakup Notifier, a newly launched Facebook add-on keeping you up-to-date on your friends’ latest breakups, online now (after a few technical difficulties last week).

Traditionally, you’d have to wait for a friend, colleague or gossip reporter to pass along this intel—by which time, Bieber is already two steps ahead of you.

But now you’ve got a (slightly) more dignified option. You’ll log Breakup Notifier into your Facebook profile, choose the relevant profiles—also known as your roster of goddesses—and wait patiently.

The moment any of the parties in question changes her status to single, you’ll get an email about it. Then you’re free to show up with fresh-cut tulips, a bottle of consoling pinot noir and/or a mixtape in which Luther Vandross expresses your true feelings.

Seventy-five percent of the time, it works every time.