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LA’s Most Intimidating Meeting Spots

When conducting critical business negotiations, you could assert your upper hand through old-fashioned boardroom cunning—or throw your opponent off by going hiking on a trail covered in tarantulas. Read on for the giant-spider approach.

A TARANTULA BREEDING GROUND

West Mulholland Trailhead

The Plan: A vigorous sunset hike to show some visiting dignitary our local flora. Just don’t tell them beforehand that it’s unofficially referred to as “Tarantula Trail,” for all the ominous spider nests dotting the landscape. They’ll learn soon enough.
The Cold-Blooded Line: “Do you know what the spider said to the fly?”

DE NIRO AND PACINO’S TABLE IN HEAT

Table 24 at Kate Mantilini

The Plan: Finally, a real-world meeting with a long-standing telephone/email/online adversary. Make an innocuous-sounding dinner reservation at Kate Mantilini—at the exact same table where De Niro and Pacino finally got on the same screen for their first white-knuckled clash in Heat.
The Cold-Blooded Line: “I ordered you a salad.”

A SUNNY CAFÉ TABLE... WITH SUDDEN CARNAGE

A Table Outside of Coffee Commissary

The Plan: Oh, just a Monday afternoon coffee meeting in the sun—interrupted by the sudden appearance of massive cow slabs being hauled from a Fairfax truck, across the patio and into Lindy & Grundy’s neighboring butcher shop.
The Cold-Blooded Line: “And that’s what happens to the cows we like.”

A DAUNTING MEGA-ESTATE (WITH MILKSHAKES)

Deep Below Greystone Mansion...

The Plan: Rent Doheny’s Tudor-style estate resembling a supervillain’s castle. The basement bowling alley, seen in the final moments of There Will Be Blood, is technically closed to the public—so if you’ve pulled some strings to show your nemesis inside, you’ve already won.
The Cold-Blooded Line: “Time for some milkshakes.”

A BAR WITH A WEAPONS CACHE

The Bar at the Arsenal

The Plan: You’re... ready to talk numbers over Old Fashioneds at the end of the bar. They’re... nervously fixated on the Cold War–era grenade launcher right over your head.
The Cold-Blooded Line: “You’re late.”