Black Friday.

So it begins. The time of year when your credit card surges from your wallet so fast, and so often, it’s in danger of catching fire next time you swipe it.

You need a foolproof investment plan, starting pretty much right now. Like a monthly subscription for... lottery tickets.

Introducing LottoGopher, a new, 100%-legal website that sells you lottery tickets on a subscription basis, now available for California residents.

Just pick a monthly subscription plan―sort of like Netflix, but with a much bigger potential payoff than the chance to instantly stream Get Him to the Greek. Then: pick your lucky numbers. And then... do nothing.

LottoGopher will get to work getting your tickets. And keep getting your tickets. Once you win―from what we understand about the lottery, it’s only a matter of time―they don’t take a cent.

So unless you have a sudden deep, intense craving for a frozen drink that will turn your mouth blue, you may never go to a 7-11 again.

You had a good run, corn dog rollers.