A Cocktail a Day...
Like a Smoothie Bar With Booze

You've long had a knack for finding great things in unexpected places.

A cozy date spot in Annandale. Poetry in a budget reconciliation bill. A working snowplow on Massachusetts Avenue.

And now: booze at a health-food restaurant.

Presenting Funxion, open now for private events and to the public on March 9, bringing a touch of hedonism to your nascent healthy impulses.

It's as if Jack LaLanne opened an Icelandic nightclub—all glass, white acrylic, LED lights— across from Metro Center. So during the day, you can go to the back counter and order up some (relatively) healthy grub—like ostrich burgers, bison chili or a vegetable sandwich on sprouted bread. (Save that one for when you're really atoning.)

But return after dark, when the lights dim, the house music goes up and the emphasis turns to liquids (as it inevitably does), and you'll want to seek out a mohawked mixologist named Jason. (Hint: look behind the bar.) He'll set you up with a Scary Good (ginger-lavender syrup and cucumber water spiked with gin) or a Lead Feather (vanilla soy milk, nutmeg and cinnamon, combined with dark rum), or you can have him blend your booze with any of the dozens of obscure nutrition drinks they stock—like Brain Toniq, an agave syrup with brain-enhancing botanicals.

We hear Bill Gates used to pound those during finals at Harvard.