Gear

Snowing Pains

When Snowballs Start Flying: This

There’s a lot of snow on the ground. Which means you have two choices: 1) complain, or 2) throw it at people. Thank you for choosing “throw it at people.” Now let’s get you equipped for proper snowball fightery.

FOR PROTECTING YOUR THROAT

It’s Wool, and It’s Here to Protect You

What: Just a little piece of woven lambswool that’s been coated with Teflon to both repel water and provide the required amount of throat protection.
Why: It’s like wearing a bulletproof vest. Except for snowballs. And around your neck. Close enough.

FOR KEEPING UP MORALE

A Nice Silver Thing That Holds Liquid

What: A circular, vintage piece of silver-plated English pewter that holds six ounces of liquid. Because otherwise it would be a paperweight and not a flask.
Why: It’s important to ~~hydrate during physical activity~~ put rum in it.

FOR NIGHT OPS

Step 1: Attach to Head. Step 2: See.

What: A bright light that you strap to the top of your head. Yep, just like those fish that live really deep underwater and are disturbing to look at.
Why: Your enemies think that nightfall brings safety. They’re taking it far less seriously than you are at this point.

FOR THE APRÈS MOVE

Snowballs Are Cold. This Drink Is Warm.

What: A warm elixir of vanilla vodka, ginger simple syrup and spiced apple cider, served at a bar directly across from Boston Common. Aka your Thunderdome.
Why: That part up there about snowballs being cold and this drink being warm... we meant that part.

FOR THE APRÈS-APRÈS MOVE

Because It’s Not Over Yet

What: A box of 20 imitation snowballs.
Why: Eventually, all this snow will melt. Really. And when it does, you’ll be out of ammunition for a long time. Unless, of course, you don’t need real snow to wage war. Turns out, you can throw soft little balls at people whenever.