Anyway... here goes.
Psst: it’s Establishment, a dark and bucolic kind of spot engineered with your most clandestine tippling efforts in mind, now quietly open in Buckhead.
What follows is your daily recommended allowance of statistics about this place:
Year it looks like inside: 1845
19th-century relics contributing to that look (old-timey Georgia maps, copper fire extinguisher, antique cash register...): a great deal
Paintings of Buckhead’s founder, Henry Irby, posing inside of an American flag: 1
Time you should show up post-dinner tonight: 10:30
Buck heads and gas lanterns flanking the bar you’ll sit at: a pair of each
Deconstructed Dirtys (each poured over a handmade dirty martini ice ball) available nightly: 20
Entrées they’ll have when they start serving food any night now: 1 (a Delmonico steak with lodge-style truffle fries)
Percent chance your Delmonico steak will be served through a trapdoor in the wall: 100
Nights a week you’ll find a DJ there: 3
Beers on the six-strong, draft-only beer list that end in the world “Lite”: thankfully, 0
Bartenders named Bob who wear switchblade bottle openers and zesters on their tool belts: 1 (we’ll also accept “not enough”)