Becoming a samurai.

Back in the day, that sh*t was hard.

It required discipline. And dedication. And a really long, flowing mustache.

But that was then. Things have changed.

Now, you don’t need the mustache.

You just need the phone number for a guy named Ulrick...

Though discipline and dedication probably wouldn’t hurt.

Presenting the Samurai Warrior Workout, a personalized private training program where you’ll be schooled in the ways of the samurai, taking reservations now.

Meet Ulrick Bien-Aimé. Yes, that’s him glaring at you in the photo. He’s going to be your sensei. He studied martial arts in Japan. He can catch a bullet between his teeth. Whatever. No big deal. He doesn’t like to brag.

When you’re ready to start down the path toward samurai living, give him a call. He’ll ask you to accept the warrior code of honor. You’ll oblige. Then, he’ll hang up. Click. The next time you speak (warning: it might be at 4am... seriously), you’ll be challenged to a sword fight. And so, your training begins.

Over the next six weeks, you and Ulrick will spend a lot of time in his studio/dojo. You’ll balance bricks (to build strength). Stick your extremities in ice (to build will). Learn how to swing a sword (it’s sort of what samurai do).

And when you’ve completed your training, you’ll graduate. Also, you’ll be given a certificate of samurai-ness.

Stab it to the fridge.