Turns out, while you’ve been carrying on this whole week not owning a ski resort, you could’ve been owning a ski resort.

Your realtor really dropped the ball on this.

So let’s not deprive you any longer.

Realize the joys of mountain ownership with Mont Farlagne, an envy-inducing ski hill on a large swath of snowy New Brunswick. It can be yours. All yours. Because it’s for sale.

Right, numbers. You want them. We have them. Let’s do this.

Price in US dollars: $900,000

Acres of runs, trees and après-ski lodge you’re working with: 306

Miles north of the Maine border and south of Quebec, respectively: 6 and 6.5

Over/under on seasons before you start speaking French with a Canadian accent: 3

Average snowfall: 130 inches

Trails-to-lifts ratio: 22:5

Trails equipped for night skiing: 8

Percent chance that “night skiing” just made you take this more seriously: 86.5

Longest run: 5,400 feet

Tubing lanes for sliding down the mountain while seated: 1

Locations designated for poutine consumption: 2 (the bi-level Avalanche Bar and the cafeteria)

Locations you’ll actually consume poutine: 3

You’ve got to do something on the chairlift.