But we may have just stumbled into a place so secret, new and potentially delicious that you'll forgive our poor language skills.
Here's what we could gather: it involves an elusive Japanese chef, a hidden door, a lot of caviar and all the booze you can carry...
Welcome to the sleek underground world of Bohemian, a well-hidden Tokyo living room of a restaurant, soft-open now in Noho and fully shrouded in mystery…
To get to this tucked-away little meeting spot, you're going to have to do a bit of sleuthing. We can only tell you that there may be a wagyu master or two throwing you off the trail. But once you've found your way past the Japanese meat hucksters and down the hallway, you'll pass through a glass door and immediately enter a small new world with only 25 seats, decked in cool gray, kitted with minimal modern furniture and adorned with Japanese brush paintings.
It's here where you'll want to escort your date, get comfortable and focus on the two delicacies you need to make it through the night: the Ice Bucket of Oysters and Bohemian's Washu-Gyu Mini Burger.
And as a nice little bonus, while Bohemian waits for a liquor license (apparently the liquor board can't find the place either), they're requesting that guests bring their own booze.
Twist your arm, why don't they.