Still, there are a few minor incidents here and there that you'd prefer not to be the first results when someone Googles you. (Let's just say there's a reason you were kicked out of Tennessee.)
So it's time to take Google back. By buying it and shutting it down. Or, failing that, the next best thing: creating your own results.
Introducing Vizibility, a new service that scrubs your Google results clean of any unsightly blemishes you might or might not have incurred over the years, online now.
Essentially, it's a way to curate your Google results, so that any undesirable search results you may have acquired over the years are eliminated.
Sign up for the service, and you'll start by giving them your name, previous employers (or, you know, not) and any other phrases you actually do want in your search results.
Then, you'll get a "Google Me" button that you can add to your email signature, your website or your Facebook account. And then, of course, the results will produce exactly what you want people to see.
And suddenly, it's like your time in high school marching band never happened.