You’re not really in a place to commit right now. You can’t be tied down. It’s not them, it’s you.
Long story short: it’s 19 days since Valentine’s Day, and you need out. So we’re here to liberate you.
These are the places where breakups can go right.
THE ESCAPE HATCH
Queen of the Night
You require: A discreet place to duck away once it’s all over. You’ll receive: A fantasyland of secret rooms and seductive strangers. One room houses
two flexible women whose job it is to force you into their scantily clad love triangle. See, you’re moving
THE QUICK REBOUND
You require: Some sustenance to strengthen your resolve and a shoulder to cry on soon
thereafter. You’ll receive: A rowdy house of lamb-barbacoa tacos within a stone’s throw of both
Electric Room and PH-D. Plenty of other fish in the sea at those.
THE 3AM OPTION
You require: To get this thing over with regardless of the hour. You’ll receive: A no-frills biscuit shop that exudes zero romance, has a “Drunk”
section on the menu and is never closed. Bonus: great for shedding fluorescent light on romances that
started at nearby bars just hours before.
THE QUICK MAKEUP
Margaux at the Marlton Hotel
You require: Somewhere that allows you some flexibility on this important decision. Also:
lamb. You’ll receive: The latest in charming hotel restaurantry—soft, pacifying lights and
conveniently located bedrooms should you think twice about all this. Also: lamb.
THE INSTANT RECOVERY
OddFellows Ice Cream Co.
You require: Something to soften the blow for them, stat. You’ll receive: A mom-and-pop ice cream spot in Williamsburg full of creative scoops put
together by a wd~50 vet. Nothing numbs the pain like a pint of Tobacco Leaf Smoked Chili